I Want Control

Posted: March 4, 2017 by Patrice Miles in Patrice Miles, Prayer, SIM

stepsTo many times I have taken two steps forward and then looked back and thought “What if everything fails? Did I hear you correctly God? Is this your will or mine?” My life continues to be a life of stepping out in the dark in faith not knowing where the next step is, how high it might be or if it even exists. It is so out of my character to step blindly trusting what God says in Jeremiah 29:11. I like to plan everything and have control. It stresses me out to rely or trust on anyone but myself because people let me down everyday.

Lately my stress has been building up in my neck and back. The ache in my neck and back are a constant reminder of the lie that I need to take control and take care of everything myself, because God isn’t going to take care of me. It’s my lie that I have picked up and put down many times in my life. The funny thing is every time I take the steering wheel of my life and try to drive on my own, I get lost, I get a flat tire and eventually run out of gas and am exhausted.

steering-wheelI have recognized this about myself and release the steering wheel of life back to God much quicker now a days. I then get mad at my self and ask “Why did I even try and touch the steering wheel? ” Paul says it great in Romans 7:15, that he continues to do what he doesn’t want to do b/c of his flesh.

You want to know what the awesome thing is. In the midst of being overwhelmed and exhausted I look out my window and my Lord is standing right next to the car with his hand on the door handle. All I have to do is scoot over to the passenger seat and he can take the steering wheel.

reaching“Ahhhhh….. Their you are! Sorry, I was so focused on my plan and trying to control everything again and I didn’t see you there. I forget that you promised in  Deuteronomy 31:6 that I will never be alone.” I unlock the door, scoot over and my heavenly, beautiful, graceful, merciful, forgiving, smiling Father sits down and puts both hands on the steering wheel and starts to drive.

I am so blessed to know my Lord and Savior. Even though I mess up everyday he is right next to me with his hand on the door handle of my life waiting for me to allow him in. I pray for those that are at the steering wheel of life and don’t know my Savior who can rescue them when they get a flat tire or run out of gas. I cannot imagine a life of hopelessness and a feeling of having to do this life alone. I am praying for anyone reading this that does not know my amazing Father in heaven, who beckons you into his Peace! Just scoot over!

  1. Tina Gibbs says:

    So good, thank you, Lenny! Every morning Dan and I pay, “Lord, today help us do only what you want us to do, for us to clearly hear your voice and know your will, no more, no less”. It is the hardest! When you’re in “control” of a ministry you feel like you have to please everyone all the time (I do anyway) Dan does not have that problem lol. You work like it depends on you, and pray because it depends on God is our motto lol. Thanks for your wonderful words!

  2. Mary Eicher says:

    That was so honest. You are a fine example of the Proverbs 31 lady. She taught by what she lived and so do you hon. love you all, Old grandma Eicher in Texas

  3. Ackley, Dick says:

    Well written. The testimony of about 90% of full time Christian workers!

    Keep leaning hard into Jesus!


    From: Miles In Missions <comment-reply@wordpress.com> Reply-To: Miles In Missions <comment+_hx380dycrxyb0cmc7z0sqz@comment.wordpress.com> Date: Saturday, March 4, 2017 at 10:29 AM To: Richard Ackley <dick.ackley@sim.org> Subject: [New post] I Want Control

    Patrice Miles posted: “To many times I have taken two steps forward and then looked back and thought “What if everything fails? Did I hear you correctly God? Is this your will or mine?” My life continues to be a life of stepping out in the dark in faith not knowing where the ne”

    • yadobeng says:

      I agree, Dick!

      Dear Patrice, God bless you for your willingness to be openly vulnerable. You’re not alone, I can assure you. I’m a missionary wife in Mali, and I’m at exactly the place you describe…only, my reminder of the same lie is in my guts, a feeling of almost being physically sick.
      Isn’t it comforting how true the words of Scripture are: resist him and be firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers [and sisters] throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of sufferings.
      Thank you for your post, it came to strengthen me at a much needed time.
      May our Father send you strength when you need it, in exactly the way you need it.
      God bless you.

  4. Ginger Parker says:

    Hey Patrice, I really loved your “I Want Control” post. I also struggle with the same thing. I get so focused on everyday life that I self redirected to “the daily tasks of this world” and forget how liberating it is to feel the peace associated with God’s gift of a heavenly agenda. I literally have to shut everything down and call out to our Lord to forgive my selfish pride. This is why I have such respect for the peaceful women elders in my life, who have learned these lessons – they probably see me and behind the loving smile is the thought, “she will learn”. I so want the spiritual disciplines to become automatic, just like breathing, so that no way of living without JESUS ever enters my mind. I know what it feels like to wake up and lay down everyday talking with Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit, just leaning on them for counsel, talking about my day, how I am feeling and processing things, about what I am reading in HIS word. It is so easy to get into a different rhythm when we take our eyes off our Lord, when our dependence shifts from HIM to “me”. So Sister, by writing about it, by talking about it, by confessing it, perhaps we help each other to reinforce the challenge of our sinful nature, choosing to accept “the gift” to grow in grace, and knowledge and wisdom which our Lord has planned for us. Love, G

  5. Aaron Polsgrove says:

    Probably one of the best devotions you’ve ever written! Thank you.


    Sent from my iPhone


  6. Dad says:

    Can’t even relate to what you’re talking about. HA HA

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