Screen Shot 2013-12-07 at 8.41.58 AMIt’s been almost five years in Nigeria, almost one year in our new home, and I was feeling almost happy…..

At the beginning of the year, after the holidays, I started feeling very homesick, frustrated, hopeless, and angry. I have always been the glass is half full kind of person so these negative feelings were very foreign to me. I tried to shake them but they overpowered me.

Since moving to Jos from Egbe I had more time for marketing CARE Africa and Spring of Life Egbe, which I love. I have enjoyed building partnerships with other ministries in Jos that in turn were creating new opportunities for CARE Africa in Egbe. The school we are opening in Egbe happened because of a partnership with Foundations Academy in Jos.  So much to be happy about- so why was I so discontent, frustrated and sad?

Since arriving in Jos, I have made a lot of connections, but no real relationships.  I am talking about the kind of relationship where you can be your unaltered self and know you aren’t judged. Instead of doing the work of building new relationships- I turned to books. I love books!  Books are not the problem. Disconnecting was the problem. I chose to stay detached by reading for hours and hours. I would escape to all types of wonderful places and stay there most evenings and weekends.  Disconnecting was nice – I didn’t have to think about the loneliness.

IMG_1230Thankfully God intervened. It took time and discontent, but eventually that soft, faint voice penetrated my soul and stirred my ear.  “Stop escaping, my daughter, to something that isn’t real and escape to Me”.  But my disobedience continued on for months. I didn’t realize that the escaping was making me become more and more dissatisfied with all the genuine blessings surrounding me -this led to DEPRESSION!

Unfortunately I am stubborn and I have to get hit over the head with a hammer before I listen and obey.  Remember the Foundations Academy Egbe school for our CARE Africa children?  Well, I began to experience setbacks and doors being slammed in my face. I knew God put it on the heart of both Emma and I to start this school so why all the obstacles?  I questioned God’s directive and almost walked away from it several times. “God why did you open this door if you didn’t want me to walk through it?” I got a swift answer Disobedience!  “Daughter how can I trust you with something as big as a school when I can’t trust you to be obedient in something as small as putting down your books?”  Ouch! The truth hurts! I do not enjoy pain and suffering so I surrendered my books and repented. “Sorry Daddy for not listening to you. Please forgive me. I’m listening now”.

cb2I felt like a new person. My sense of joy and contentment was restored. Doors started opening in unbelievable ways in my ministry. Not to say I still don’t have moments of homesickness and loneliness, but I have a renewed sense of peace that transcends all understanding.

I almost missed a great opportunity because of disobedience. I almost traded what is genuine, real, and true for something that wasn’t. Almost, but not quite.

Please continue in your prayers for our Foundations Academy Egbe school and if you are interested in helping us you can pray and or donate at

God bless you this day with what is real, genuine, and true.

  1. jospersonnel says:


    Wow, this is so honest! Thanks for sharing…and for obeying. I would love to be a better friend and need one myself. Isolation always ends in a bad place!

    Love you, Heidi

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10


  2. Lia Vassiliades says:

    you are the best at sharing the truth no matter the ‘ouch’ in it — love you and grateful for your lovely example!

  3. Cindy Borody says:

    Love you, Praying for you Hugs…

    Sent from my iPhone


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