Miles In Missions

“You chose the wrong girl God!”

I can only imagine that this was what Mary thought when she was pregnant with Jesus or when Queen Esther was told by her Uncle to save the Jews.

“You chose the wrong girl God!”

2018 was a hard year. Many times I felt inadequate to handle this missionary life. From problems in the ministry, to wondering if everything would collapse, fatigue and sickness that made me want to curl up and die, seeing needs without the finances to help, spiritual warfare taking its toll on my staff and having absolutely no clue what to do. I truly was stripped of everything I thought was important and my bare branches were exposed.

“You chose the wrong girl God!”

“In spiritual winters, our fullness is thinned so that, undistracted by our giftings, we can focus on our character. In the absence of anything to measure, we are left with nothing to stare at except for our foundation. We begin to examine the motivations that support our deeds, the attitudes that support our words, the dead wood otherwise hidden beneath our busyness. Abundance may make us feel more productive, but emptiness has greater power to strengthen our souls.” Anonymous: Jesus Hidden Years…..my new favorite book!

In using my own strength to determine what I could or couldn’t do I inadvertently had removed God from the equation. Yes I loved Him, Yes I believed in Him, Yes I trusted Him and of course I spent time with Him everyday talking to Him about all these things.

So how did I get here?

How do I get out of it?

Look at how weak I am!

Look at my unbelief and how easily I am distracted and lose focus on You!

Why did You choose me to represent You to the lost when I am evidently lost myself.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Helplessness tests us and reveals what is really in our hearts. Dependence on God not self reliance is the true friend of our soul.

“My daughter, you are weak and that is why I chose you. Strength is not given, it is grown. Through Me you will help grow My kingdom and change lives. I chose the right girl!”

Personally, I do not know whether my dreams will be fulfilled or if my sweat, tears and prayers are just planting seeds for someone else to watch bloom. I do not know if like Esther, one day God will say, “I rose you up for just a time as this,” or if, like Mary the mother of Jesus, I will wait and watch my dreams be crucified before they know resurrection. I do not know……but then being all-knowing, is not my job.

Continue to pray for me and my family as we serve in Nigeria. If you would like to become a prayer partner and receive our weekly prayer requests click Prayer Partner.