I think I have D.I.D.

Posted: November 9, 2021 by Patrice Miles in C.A.R.E. Africa, Egbe, Egbe Nigeria, Miles In Missions, Missionaries, Nigeria, Patrice Miles, People of Egbe, Prayer

I think I have (DID),  Dissociative identity disorder previously known as multiple personality disorder.  I find that I am one person in the U.S. and an all together different person when I land in Nigeria. 

In the U.S. I am confident, in control, busy and efficient. I rarely experience drama or trials that cannot be readily fixed. The car starts like it is supposed to, phones and internet are dependable, if I am injured I can call an ambulance, hospitals and doctors have what they need to fix me, grocery stores are everywhere with plenty of food, a flip of a switch gives me instant electricity and the temperature in my home can be adjusted to my liking – everything in the U.S. works pretty well. I really don’t need anyone or anything and depend primarily on – Patrice!

I have grown to love my American life and for the most part it is very comfortable. Regular date nights with my husband, fun holidays with my family, purposeful activities with my children, a close church community and constant electricity and AC! It’s secure and safe. I wake happy to see the day but lay my head down at night wondering if my life was used in any way to show Christ’s love to someone.

When it’s time for my quarterly visit to Nigeria I start to get anxious. No control, no efficiency, no AC, no dependable electricity, phones or internet. I start to think about all the comforts I will be giving up. The long, uncomfortable 30+hours of travel , insecurity on the roads, the heat…..oh the heat! I think about my husband and kids I will leave behind and the burden on them to manage the household duties. I think about the cultural adjustments, don’t stare people in the eye when talking to them, wear dresses and skirts, cover your head when praying or in church, don’t interrupt someone who is talking (even if they talk for an hour), eat your meat last, use your right hand, greet every person you pass, don’t show fear, and remember you are a women. All this anxiousness actually makes my right eye start twitching weeks before I travel.

The funny thing is the moment I touch ground in Nigeria my second personality comes forward like a pre-programmed robot. Where did this Patrice come from, she was so anxious just a few minutes ago?

I’m confident yet the confidence comes from the Lord – not from Patrice!  Every step I take I am praying God goes before me. “Go before me and allow the customs officers to let me through without extortion. Go before me and allow my driver to be alert and careful among the unregulated drivers on the roads. Go before me and allow all the security, army and police check points to go smoothly. Go before me and remove any evil people with intentions of kidnapping or robbery. Go before me and keep malaria, ecoli, typhoid, COVID, and any other sickness away. Go before me and help me adjust to the 6 hour time difference so I can be alert and ready to encourage my staff. Go before me and give me the words and activities necessary to benefit the voiceless and exhausted. Go before me and make every appointment a divine appointment that will help your kingdom grow. Go before me and allow me to get back home to my family and recover quickly from jet lag”.

While in Nigeria, I rely on the Lord each day and every step! I know I cannot do it without Him and He shows up every trip and prepares the way. Oh the pages I could fill of the divine appointments in Nigeria and seeing God so beautifully in them.

So this second personality in Nigeria is confident too, but not in Patrice!  It’s confidence in the Lord!  I am busy but in His work and activities, I am efficient, not with time or schedules, but with relationships. I must rely on Him because I have no control and no clue what is going to happen next. 

My question always is this – how can I take Patrice in Nigeria back to the U.S. with me? 

How can I rely on the Lord in the U.S. like I do in Nigeria? 

How can I know and see Him orchestrating and protecting every single minute of my life in the U.S. as I do in Nigeria? 

God uses each trip to mold me a little more into the woman He wants me to be.  Until then I continue to wait for the day I see Him face to face and hear Him say “Well done my good and faithful servant” or as they say in Egbe, Nigeria “You really tried!

  1. funnerfam3 says:

    I love this!! However I am the complete opposite!! Lol😊

    State life has been very hard for me and I miss Nigeria so much!!! 🙏🏽🧡

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. Ackley, Dick says:

    Great letter, Patrice. I love your transparency…and I can identify with it (but not the “remember you are a woman” part).

    You write excellent updates!


  3. lindagjohnson1@verizon.net says:


    Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS

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